Reliving London

July 2nd, 2006

"I already know I'm going to miss this city. I can feel it in my stomach..."

On Monday at approximately 9 am I will touch down in London seven years after leaving. Far too much time has passed, but life got in the way--as it always does. I've spent the better part of a year planning this trip, this escape, and yet I've been filled with anxiety about all the what ifs: What if my luggage gets lost? What if my credit cards don't work? What if someone steals my computer? What if I want to come home?

While looking for my combination lock this afternoon, I found the diary I kept while I was in London: 

 July 26th, 2006

"I believe one must always be curious, seeking out new experiences to live a full life. Never allow yourself to get bored or get stuck in a rut. There is too much out there to explore." 

In all honesty, I'm pretty sure the Emily of then would be disappointed with the Emily of today and how scared she is right now--to say nothing of the rut I've found myself in for the past couple of years.  Reading this reminded me of how happy I was, how fulfilled I felt while living in London. Of course, it's only natural to feel nervous before taking a big leap but I don't want it to color my time there. I want to be past all that. 

Perhaps all adventurers feel this way beforehand. Even the idea that this time next week I'll be writing from London seems unreal. Sometimes when we are separated from someone or something we care about it exists only in our memory for so long that it is no longer a part of reality. Instead, it becomes the fantastic,  the untouchable living only in our imagination.  To be able to go back to this place is a gift. 

July 2nd, 2006

"I want my life to always be like this, filled with music, culture, writing, excitement...leafy trees and wide sidewalks."

I want to be this person again. I've tried to be, but the day to day work of getting by can muddle things. Hopefully this time away will help me sort things out.